kt moxie

FAQ: Plan For Victory

Raging Moderate, By Will Durst

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT PRESIDENT BUSH'S PLAN FOR VICTORY:

Q. President Bush recently announced his "PLAN FOR VICTORY." What does this plan entail?
A. Its two-pronged. There is a short-term plan and a long-term plan.

Q. And what are they?
A. The short-term plan is to keep the Democrats from regaining control of Congress in '06.

Q. And the long term-plan?
A. Keeps the Democrats from regaining control of the White House in '08. Or acquires photographs of Hillary Clinton in bed with a goat and/or a woman.

Q. So, nothing about Iraq then?
A. Well, now that you mention it there was something about the brave freedom-loving Iraqis and how, together, we are winning the tough struggle against violent extremism, but it was just more of the same in an attempt to rescue his poll numbers from falling through the floor like an anvil made of dark matter.

Q. What is the PLAN FOR VICTORY going to replace?
A. The PLAN FOR QUAGMIRE we've been following the last three years.

Q. Didn't he reveal a strategy for winning?
A. Yeah, but, you know what, so do the Chicago Cubs. Every spring. Don't imagine election-bound Republicans are looking forward to changing their slogan to: "We'll get 'em next year."

Q. What is their slogan now?
A. Lately, it seems to be "Incompetent, Corrupt Cronies 'R Us."

Q. Didn't he also refuse to set a timetable for withdrawal saying it would send a message to the world that America was weak?
A. Yes, he did. So apparently he's okay with continuing to send a message to the world that America is a big bad bully who will beat the crap out of you if we don't like the way you look at us.

Q. Don't we run the danger of alienating our allies if we just cut and run?
A. Cut and run? There's no running. This isn't running. This is walking. Backwards. Really fast backward walking. Who knows, we might even walk backwards really fast right into Iran or Syria.

Q. How does the president define victory?
A. According to a separate 35-page document accompanying the speech titled "National Strategy for Victory in Iraq," victory means creating the conditions that allow us to leave.

Q. Is he saying that getting out of Iraq is our only path to victory?
A. No. No. No. A lot of victories await us. Tiny victories and little victories and medium-sized victories. Not to say we haven't experienced victories already. A couple tiny victories, a moral victory and an election victory. And if we string a bunch of these little victories together, it could add up to a nice medium-sized victory. Or a gaggle of little victories and a medium victory, or a series of medium victories coupled with one or two moral victories could add up to a big victory. And two or three big victories could result in a humongous victory.

Q. What is that?
A. A Republican victory. In November '06 and '08.

Q. What is the best-case scenario?
A. We try to incubate democracy in the Mideast and whenever the political costs at home get too high, we declare victory and leave, leaving our secret prison camps intact.

Political comic Will Durst is declaring victory over his comedy club career.

Ah, yes.  I had to find out what sci-fi character I am.  Proud to be:

Yoda

A venerated sage with vast power and knowledge, you gently guide forces around you while serving as a champion of the light.

Judge me by my size, do you? And well you should not - for my ally is the Force. And a powerful ally it is. Life greets it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us, and binds us. Luminescent beings are we, not this crude matter! You must feel the Force around you, everywhere.

 

Ok.  My hubby can have his new Xbox 360.  Can I play dress up with it?  Amelia would be thrilled with a Hello Kitty Xbox!

And here's another one of those email forwards to fill out.  Feel free to forward it onto your friends, too.

Welcome to the next edition of getting to know your friends.  Just give in.

1. What color are your kitchen plates?  Zen blue.
2. What book are you reading right now?  I'd love to be reading the next Harry Potter.  But I think my last book was Hop on Pop.
3. What is on your mouse pad?  my mouse.  no, wait.  my hand.  oh.  Not anymore. 
4. Favorite board game?  Scrabble.  what a nerd.
5. Do you drink coffee or expresso?  neither. Latte if I'm trying to be cool in a Starbucks.
6. What is the first think you think of when you wake up in the morning? No. No. Nooooo....  Damn alarm!  Shut up.  Five more minutes.  Just five more....
7. Favorite color?  Purple.  Duh.
8.  Least favorite color?  lime green
9.  How many rings until you answer the phone?  I screen.  I hate the phone.
10. Future child's name? Not going to reveal that now.  Only will jinx us.
11. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla for ice cream.  Chocolate for everything else.
12. Do you like to drive fast?  In video games and go carts.
13. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Not until I'm missing my hubby
14. Do you like thunderstorms? Yes.  Boom.  Crash.
15. What was your first car?  The amazing indestructible Toyota Corolla.
16. What is your sign? I like the sign for dirty.   You wiggle your fingers under your chin.  (sorry, too many toddler signing language videos.)
17. Do you eat the stems of the broccoli?  Yum.  Of course. 
18. If you could have any job, what would it be?  Smart Chick in Charge of Everything.
19. If you could have any hair color, what would it be?  I really liked purple.  I wish I could do that again. 
20. Is the glass half full or half empty?  I'm usually too busy to debate this crap.
21. Favorite movie?  Princess Bride.  Still. 
22. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?  Yes, I learnd it in school.
23. What's under your bed?  Empty storage bins.  Occasionally my cat. 
24. Favorite sport to watch? Hockey
25. Your single biggest intense pain?  Appendecitis.  Then a rectal exam.  Yep.  Imagine that.  I guess they wanted to make sure it wasn't hamsteritis?
26. Person most likely to respond? Nicole gets it again....
27. Person least likely to respond?  ha...  me.
28. Ketchup or mustard?  Ketchup
29. Hamburger or hot dog?  Turkey burger. 
30. What is your favorite season?  Fall - Halloween, plus the holidays are coming.
31. The best place you have even seen?  Too many to pick.
32. What is on your computer background? funky graphic veins and arteries.
33. Favorite fast food? TB.  aka Taco bell.
34. What is your birth name?  Kristen Marie

Time to get off my soap box, and onto the plank!  Today is the Official Talk Like a Pirate Day!  Argh!

While I'm not a huge South Park fan, this little online application to make your own South Park character was just too fun to pass up!  (kudos to Nicole!)

So, here I am, South Park incarnated: purple sweater, floppy hat, messy hair, ice cream ... and a sword.

And, because John doesn't blog, I had to do his, too!  Karate outfit, light saber, listening to tunes and having a beer.

After going this far, Amelia must have one, too!  Dragging her teddy bear, dancing with her guitar, messy hair do, diva crown, but still cute as a button!

In response to the "Intelligent Design" movement, a silly young fellow has proposed his own theory - that the "Flying Spaghetti Monster" created the world!  He would like this theory along side intelligent design and evolution, and has sent an open letter to the Kansas School Board.  He has created his own noodly movement! 

Amelia loves fish and crackers - so goldfish crackers are a great snack!  Isn't this a fun picture?  Visit more of this photographer's pics called "Hooked on Colors."  Lots of fun colored food.

I want boxes labeled "Orca whale", "seagull", "Nautilas" and "butterflies"!